Some of the early demonstration videos of Vista’s voice commands have been astounding, making it look like there could soon be a fast and intuitive alternative to the keyboard. Here’s a Vista voice commands video that’s a bit underwhelming to say the least. Anyone who has ever sat in front of a dumb and unresponsive Mac repeating the phrase, “Computer, tell me a joke” can surely sympathize.
But still, this guy clearly needs to get a better grasp of voice commands before uploading a video like this. I typed this entirely in Vista using voice commands and it worked fine for me. enter delete enter caps lock delete caps lock
Comedians these days. In my day if you wanted a fresh joke you had to work for it. You took the bus upstate to Ithaca. Back then Marty Sheffield knew all the swell jokes. Jokes that’d make you laugh so hard it’d give you the fantods. Yes sir, he knew his onions. But he required all comers to rub his feet with olive oil and Gold Bond before he’d even deign tell you a joke. Even then he’d probably tell you one you already knew, which meant you’d have to come back next quarter moon and repeat the whole process. And God help you if he told you the same joke two times in a row. Nowadays you just pull the Jokemaster II out of its sheath, press a button, and faster than you can say Jack Robinson you got yourself a new joke, mister. How do you like them apples?
OK, so none of that’s true. Cataloging jokes was pretty much taken care of with the invention of the printing press. But books, I mean, honestly. Who reads them anymore? When we want a new joke nowadays, we’d better kick down 30 bones for a gadget that will give one to us and is bigger than our cell phone. And who better to provide the jokes than Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling? Known as “The Man of a Thousand Jokes” (to me), Martling has spent his career painstakingly indexing every joke known to man. You may also know him from his work as lead writer of the Howard Stern show, so count on a lot of the jokes being along the lines of “Baba-booie baba-booie! Midget stripper tits! LOL”
Perhaps you’re thinking, “Why should I care about a joke-telling gadget?” Fair deuce, but just listen to some of the extra features it includes: a high-resolution touch-screen interface, built-in WiFi, Google Maps accessibility, push e-mail support from Yahoo, coverflow integration, and…oh wait, nevermind. This just tells you new jokes. It’ll probably make a good gift for your grandpa who likes to tell jokes and doesn’t trust any gadget unless it requires two AA batteries. Check out the website for a whole lineup of joke-telling devices from “The Joke Man”. It also may be the only place in the world outside my diary you can read the phrase, “Press the left eye, and out come more than 15 of the grossest fart, poop, and burp sounds ever.”
A prize to whoever comes up with the best punchline to the joke in the picture.
Forget biofuel, hydrogen, or any of those weak excuses for an alternative energy source. You want to know what your next car will run on? Take a deep breath. No, not stale Pringles and body odor. Good old air. French development firm MDI is nearly ready to release a car that runs entirely on compressed air. Check out the linked video for some sweet house music and a bunch of people who talk real funny. Also, some mind-blowing information on the car itself.
The car’s inventor, Guy Négre, comes from the F1 racing field (Americans: that’s NASCAR’s classy cousin), and while the curves aren’t quite as smooth and sexy, there’s still plenty to be excited about. The manufacturer is offering two models, the MiniCAT and CityCAT, which will start at €6,860 and €9,460 respectively (about $9,000/$12,450 U.S.). Emissions? Nothing but air-scented air. Fuel economy? One tank of compressed air takes you about 125 miles and will cost $2-$3 to refill, either at a filling station or at home. A hybrid model is in development for drivers who need to go longer distances, and will be able to go from New York to Los Angeles. on a single tank of air/fuel — certainly a boon for those frequent New York to L.A. commuters.
There’s already a sign-up list, so if you’re ready to pull out the intravenous fossil fuel drip you’ve been mainlining, go here. If they could just figure out how to fuel a car using cigarettes and disdain the French would be unstoppable.
You may be having fun playing your next-gen console, but did you have fun buying it? Doubtful. No, you probably just strolled into Target and set it down on the counter along with a six-pack of Tab and some deodorant. Pathetic. Buying a console in Japan is a little different. Take the Game-in Cassette Computer, for example. It may not have all the Blue Rays and teraflops of today’s consoles, but you can’t just walk into an electronics retailer and buy it either. You have to win it with a skill crane (which are known in Japan as UFO Catchers). This particular skill crane was found in a Japanese bowling alley.
Sure, the Game-in Cassette Computer looks like the afterbirth of R2-D2 and an eight-track’s lovechild, but it makes up for it by playing eight games and costing up to infinity yen (about $872) depending on how bad you suck at skill cranes. Its Dual-Shockesque controller offers a third shock: a handy sharpened point beneath the start and select buttons for gouging your friend’s eye if he scores on you in pong. The display box also features the following unfortunate “English” catch-phrase:
This is Compatibility Machine. Let’s play the game. Everybody gets off.
Don’t make any promises you can’t keep, little computer.
While Scandinavia has traditionally favored neutrality and peacekeeping in times of conflict, they don’t fül around when it comes to digital rights. Norway’s powerful consumer Ombudsman (yes, that Ombudsman) has declared Apple’s Fairplay DRM scheme illegal. According to the Ombudsman, music that has been purchased legally ought to be playable on any music player; not just Apple’s ubiquitous white dance-coffer (that’s iPod for the kenning impaired).
The legality of Fairplay has been challenged by European legislation before. France’s parliament came within a baguette’s width of banning Fairplay altogether. Germany and Sweden have also declared their solidarity. As the coalition of anti-DRM countries grows, Apple becomes much less likely to simply take their ball and go home. Legal battles will have to be fought, or an open standard for DRM technology will have to be developed that is available to any device manufacturer. If Norway is successful in rallying anti-Fairplay support, could we see the end of the iPod era?
Also: Why can’t Europeans just be content with fine beers, stellar healthcare, beautiful women, and great jeans?
So you’re nearing the end of an epic BWL sesh and all of a sudden your back starts to cramp up. Sure, you could tell your team you’re going to be AFK for a sec and head to 7-11 for some nourishment and a quick stretch. Then again, you could avoid that dangerous encounter with sunlight altogether, slide your mattress under your computer desk and let the good times roll. It’s possible with the Office Organix Erogopod 500.
Just think! Think of the possibilities for users who suffer from repetitive strain injuries and carpal tunnel syndrome. And what about the chronically ill and the…wait…why are you looking at the Ergopod 500 like that? You just want to use it for porn don’t you?
